Secrets of a Stingy Scoundrel: 100 Dirty Little Money-Grabbing Secrets
by Phil Villarreal
Two ladies sitting at bar, yapping girl stuff, drinking their Cosmopolitans.
A man comes up to the girl with the most cleavage and starts with the normal pick up line(s):
“Did I see you on the cover of Vogue?”
“Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!”
“I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!”
“I think I can die happy now, cause I’ve just seen a piece of heaven.”
All the while, he staring at her chest and not her face. The ladies roll their eyes, but giggle.
“Can I buy you a drink?” and so forth…
Then he asks, “Can I have you number so we can hook up sometime?” And he is getting all excited because the woman scribbles something on a napkin and hands it to him.
“Score!” he thinks to himself (or whatever Yippee phrase guys think).
Then later, he goes home to call her. Hoping for a late night hookup and dials “818-301-6845” only to find he’s been….
The recording on the other line says, “the person who gave the dialer this number did not want them to have their real number…” (see video below, funny)
(If you have trouble seeing the video, you can check it our here: Rejection Hotline)
What does this have to do with finances????
Secrets of a Stingy Scoundrel: 100 Dirty Little Money-Grabbing Secrets written by Phil Villarreal belongs in this kind of category.
I couldn’t handle this books contents. Tidbits like:
- Milking it for all its worth, “And with I finished my bowl of Marshmallow Mateys each morning, I’d funnel the milk back into the container. By doing this I could make a tiny portion of milk stretch far beyond its due date. ” Ewww!
- Double your pleasure, double your fries, “Just gobble down half your fries, then gather your chilly, cubic friend (ice cube) in the palm of your hand and toss him into the container. Presto! Soggy fries. Dump the soil remainder onto your tray…”. Really???
- Lose weight in your gut, gain it in your wallet, “Great secret…Take a can of tuna, add a few squirts of steak sauce and slap the results inbetween two slices of bread and you’ve got a culinary masterpiece that will satisfy your hunger and cause the flab to slip of your belly.” Anyway, it goes onto say how you’ll look gaunt and underfed when you go home to visit your parents and they’ll give you money. Grow up!
- Getting married soon? Opt for a cubic zirconia engagement ring and tell her it’s an heirloom passed down fro our grandma to prevent her from having it appraised. <–is this what you did to your wife, Phil?
I think when Phil wrote this book he was still stuck in his college years. This book is clearly not how to save like a ‘con artist’, but just how to plainly act like a hilarious dork.
Sorry, Phil. I couldn’t fathom the book. I think its written for a man.
So, that brings me to my next thing…
I have two (2) Secrets of a Stingy Scoundrel: 100 Dirty Little Money-Grubbing Secrets books to give away.
Between now and Wednesday, March 17th (12am PST) leave a comment with your personal Dirty Little Money-Grabbing Secret.
Like “I take extra condiments at fast food restaurants” or “I steal steak knives when I go to Sizzler’s”
One entry per person. Winner will be picked by random drawing.
About the Author
A reporter for the Arizona Daily Star and contributing editor at the Consumerist.com, PHIL VILLARREAL draws from a life of obscene frugality that dates back to his days subsisting on A1 and tuna sandwiches as a freshman a the University of Arizona, where he graduated with a business management degree in 2000. He was inspired to write the book in 2007 when his schoolteacher wife, Jessica, quit her teaching job to be a stay-at-home mom. Over the course of three months, Villarreal wrote a chapter a night to complete the manuscript, only to suffer rejections from dozens of literary agents and publishing houses. Villarreal’s luck changed when the economy went bad and his money-saving became timely. He has a (becauseitoldyouso.com), and is a contributor to OK! magazine.
This contest is closed. Winners will be notified shortly. Thank you all for entering.